I just stumbled on a super old "what did you eat today"-type post of my own while looking for a protein bar review. It shocks me to see how I ate at former stages of this journey. I remember my thoughts back then, about how I thought I was eating too many calories. Or even how random people would tell me how I was doing it wrong.
My first thought now is —
"If these same commenters knew how I am eating today, at eight years one month post surgery, they would really shit their pants."
And that is honesty. Those judgy commenters who found my eating offensive, out of control, not by the book, against the rules (!!) at one to three years post op, would certainly take issue with me now. Oh hell, they would implode.
"Don't you think that you caused your seizures by eating carbs?"
I actually had someone suggest that, years ago, among other things. Right. Epilepsy due to a habit of eating half-servings of toast. Bite me, and the hot buttered toast I enjoy.
"Oh, she's justifying her food choices! LOOK!"
Nope. My food does not cause GUILT. I refuse to allow that. If you feel guilt for me, that's your issue. I do not feel compelled to run off my toast. I am quite lazy. Always have been. WLS did not make me any more likely to run a marathon nor prove myself to you. I am just being honest.
I noticed recently though, that people do not seem to poke a stick at long-long term post ops, it is almost like we get some bariatric-immunity after a cut-off date. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that we have proven ourselves if we Have Not Failed Entirely… Yet….Ever?
I am just thinking out loud on paper here. Just consider the harshness of early post op behaviors — the judgy McJudgerson's, and the nit-picking of O.P.P. (other people's proteins…) and how it is often overwhelming to newbies.
But, for me — it stopped. AND I THANK YOU.
I would assume that some of those judgy types assumed I would be a statistic by now. Truthfully, I should have failed. Because I dared to eat solid food, ate carbs, did not track my food often, did not count my ounces of water, I SHOULD HAVE FAILED DAMN IT.
I agree with judgy people – I probably should have. But I haven't. I sit here with about 5-10 pounds regained, that I keep losing and regaining every 3-6-9 months.
And I really do not give a shit.
And nor should you.
I AM NORMAL NOW.
I eat allllllmost normal portions of food.
I do NOT restrict myself, beyond foods that cause distress, I avoid those because I do not enjoy being sick or in pain.
I do NOT partake in angry food hating hate. I do not stress about food. Ever.
I have ZERO FOOD GUILT.
I weigh an average amount for a normal American woman.
And that feels good.
For a frame of reference — this is today's eats — at eight years post op.
- Breakfast – 1 Jimmy Dean DeLights Egg/Sausage Bowl, added shredded cheddar cheese and cracked black pepper
- All morning – coffee, unsweetened cocoa powder, unsweetened soy milk, Splenda
- 12pm – Light wheat toast, butter
- 1:30 – Lettuce salad mix, sprinkle of romano cheese, feta cheese, Uncle Sam Cereal sprinkle…
…… will update