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IT IS RESOLUTION TIME, BITCHES.

And guess what.

I refuse.  Again.

Resolutions fail.  And we PAY PEOPLE to help us fail.

Suck on that WEIGHT WATCHERS AND YOUR ZERO POINTS PLAN.  (AIN'T NOBODY CAN EAT THAT MUCH CHICKEN OR FRUIT COCKTAIL AND NOT GAIN WEIGHT.)

It's 2018.  I have not blogged in for-ever.  Here's something.

I've maintained this exact weight for two years.  (173 lbs since Elliott was born GOD DAMN IT)  I keep saying that "…if I would just exercise again" I'd be at goal weight immediately.  That is truth — I have just spent the time peeling my most hyperactive child (of mine) to date from the furniture and ceiling while being sedated with more anti-epileptics and tapering from others.  See also, the spouse who has taken on two new jobs and working near two seven days a week since we last spoke at LEAST.

Maybe there is a "…motivation" in there somewhere.  Maybe it is to Get More Active So I Can See My Goal Weight More Clearly Again while still on too much medication?  That'd work.  I realize that I don't eat out of my range of calories much at all — my weight does NOT change — so obviously the movement needs to.So easy it's stupid.  I don't need to pay WW for that.  I just have to do it.  

 

Me, plus all of my crotch-spawn looking like zombies on the holiday.

 

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Explain to me — subscription boxes — bariatric samples?

A friend just pointed out weight loss surgery themed subscription box service, you know — where you sign up to have a selection of samples (I am guessing these are sample sizes based on the photos given on the website that is at the moment very limited…) sent to you each month.  For your payment — a flat-fee of $34.95 — you are sent 8 – 12 sample-size products for the bariatric patient.  

I can see the niche of people who'd want this.  Hi.  

I was curious enough to throw my email on their mailing list, but I wonder are free samples worth $4 each?  Maybe, I suppose if they have been sourced for you and shipped to you?  How long of a commitment is this kind of service?  I'm not the kind of person that throws out $34.95 for a box of I Don't Know What's Coming in exchange for grocery money — however — I could be swayed.  

Don't think I am picking on this service just because it's "bariatric" I have no clue who's pimping it — I say the same thing about the underpanties boxes — the snack boxes — all boxes — I see them as profit machines for the person behind the curtain.  :)  I would simply like to know WHY it is worth the cost since some of it is free to the consumer already.  Show me. 

Lane Bryant: Plus-Size Fashion Retailer’s Commercial Reportedly Rejected by Multiple TV Networks

PLEASE. This shit is not indecent, it’s because the women are a little. bit. jiggly.

Get the fuck over yourselves.

Have any of you watched a Vickie’s Secret Ad lately?!

Lane Bryant: Plus-Size Fashion Retailer’s Commercial Reportedly Rejected by Multiple TV Networks The ad, promoting the company’s #ThisBody campaign, was rejected by ABC and NBC, TMZ reported. NBC told TMZ they asked for a “minor edit to comply with broadcast indecency guidelines.”

 

#ThisBody | Lane Bryant

The networks didn’t want you to see this. But we do. Share. Tag. Show everyone what #ThisBody’s made for.

Posted by Lane Bryant on Thursday, March 10, 2016

‘Anyone with a functioning brain’ makes sure they look good in a bikini

What the who!?

'Anyone with a functioning brain' makes sure they look good in a bikini

Clipped from Raw Story - 

“If you are offended by an ad with a woman on it or a hot girl or a hot guy then seek therapy,” Fox News host Jedediah Bila advised on Monday. “I mean, go to a therapist. There’s something wrong with you.”

“At this time of year, anyone with a functioning brain asks themselves that question, ‘Are you beach body ready?'” Tantaros insisted. “In fact, I ask myself that question every single day. And I bet you people who have a problem with this ad going into summer time are not beach body ready.”

“It’s such a bunch of bull,” the Fox News host said of critics. “Everyone wants to know if they look good in a swimsuit!”

“You should grow up wanting to look like that anyway,” guest host Chris Plante quipped.

If you’re happy and you know it. #eatasnack

The most authentic commercial yet from Weight Watchers.  WW you win with this one, although it doesn't exactly motivate me to go sign up for your plan (…was that the goal — because I didn't catch that vibe, I just laughed and wanted a snack for a second?) I still LOVE THIS because it's truth all right here for us emotional eaters.  

Sorry not sorry I agree.  

 

Rewind The Future Video Campaign – Blame away the obesity!

An anti-obesity commercial from Strong4Life blames parents, for our children's obesity with a side of french fries and a dose of electronic gadgets.

Is this where I thank my parents?  Uh, no.

The video (now viral!) presents a thirtysomething man (I am 35) whom played video games and ate lots of fast-food start with snapped-Mcdonald's fries from Momma.  

I did not.  I got super morbidly obese anyway.  TAKE THAT STRONG4LIFE.

Marketers and anti-obesity advocates — LISTEN:  IT IS NOT THAT SIMPLE.  Obesity is a multifaceted disease and we cannot simply lay blame on someone's mom and dad (or Mcdonald's!) and hope that that is going to fix the problem.  You cannot blame – shame away a disease, it only makes this one BIGGER.

About Strong4Life —

Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta launched Strong4Life, a wellness movement designed to ignite societal change and reverse the epidemic of childhood obesity and its associated diseases in Georgia. 

Based on our clinical behavior change model for treating overweight and obese children, Strong4Life aims to help families achieve sustainable lifestyle change by breaking down the complex issue of childhood obesity into simple steps. 

Strong4Life reaches families through public awareness, policy change efforts, school programs, healthcare provider programs, community partnerships and more. 

Strong4Life makes improving family nutrition and physical activity habits fun and provides parents and caregivers the support they need to accomplish their goals.

Fy0GI

Lap Band Loans – Finance Your Weight Loss Surgery New From Apollo Endosurgery – And I qualify! GO MM.

I should preface this press release with my opinion because it dragged my sorry butt out of the not-posting-to-my-blog-corner to share it.  (Don't ask.)

Why is that?  

Because I am the Bariatric Bad Girl with the dissenting opinion that is screaming on the inside NOT TO FINANCE A DAMNED THING LET AND LAWD BABY JESUS NOT A GASTRIC BAND. 

Call Suze Orman.  Ask her what she thinks about financing a gastric band. 

Via American Healthcare Funding – (NOT AN AD.  I SWEAR.)

  • Loan terms up to 60 months
  • Rates starting at 7.00% (Starting APR for best borrrowers)

If it is anything like a car loan — you are not a best borrower.  Go get your free credit score first.  That 7.0% APR will jump to 12 – 20++% and HEY, look, you're paying $800.00 a month for, your weight loss!

Have you paid for weight loss before, how much per month?  

Then please look at the rates of success in the Lapband in the time it will take you to pay off your loan. 

Fy0GI

"But, Beth, I've got to lose weight For My Health!  Lap-Band Surgery Is My Last Option!"  

Fair enough.  I understand.  I totally do.  I have lived the roux en y gastric bypass weight loss surgery lifestyle for ten years and four months.  I am married to a roux en y gastric bypass patient.  We have, collectively twenty years of bypassed-belly between us.  Add his family members, thirty years of gastric bypass experience.  I will tell you anything that you want to know, and it is not all good.    I am not your typical WEIGHT LOSS MADE THE WORLD GLITTERY AND SHINY BLOGGER.  

I can validate that urgency of wanting to do anything it takes to get the weight gone, even paying $$$.$$ per month to do so, because (for many!) it is desperation.

You know, for what it is worth I understand the feeling because of the MARKETING check this out – "LAGB is the least invasive surgical option among bariatric weight loss procedures. LAP-BAND® Adjustable Gastric Banding System, the number one brand in the category, remains the only bariatric weight reduction surgical procedure approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for people with a BMI of at least 30 with one or more obesity-related comorbid conditions."

I qualify for a LapBand, Apollo, in approximately  less than three BMI points, at my lowest adult weight.   That there is some smart marketing.   Apollo could totally band my ass in three points.  That is me, adding back bagels with butter and quitting my gym habit, and I am a revolving credit account JUST. LIKE. THAT.

This is my "I qualify for a band face."

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Do you realize HOW many adults that qualifies?  I wear a size 8.  

Right. 

No.   I am sorry and I reserve the right to say it.   

I can understand the desire, put me back in my size 28W and I would likely be signing the loan documents right now.    Ten years of history and watching the weight loss community has changed that.

Please talk to MANY long-term band patients first and long term debtors as well because both have lots to share with you.  I am not a band patient, I only speak to patients on a support level and I can only imagine the frustration of those whom will now have the added stab of a monthly incurred payment along with any potential band failures.  Again, please talk to current banded patients, revisals, removals, and such.  

For some, it may be the right decision.  Talk it over with patients, family, friends, your therapist, get a good support group.   

____________________

PR below in full —  Not my PR.   They don't pay me.  They might pay others.  

(Business Wire)

Apollo Endosurgery, Inc., a leader in minimally invasive endoscopic surgical products for bariatric and gastrointestinal procedures, today announced the company has partnered with American Healthcare Lending to offer affordable financing for the LAP-BAND® System to increase patient access to the weight loss solution. The patient financing service is part of Apollo Endosurgery’s ongoing efforts to provide physicians and patients with high quality services and support beyond the LAP-BAND® procedure. The LAP-BAND® System is FDA approved for weight reduction for people with a body mass index (BMI) of at least 40 kg/m2 and is the only FDA approved device for weight reduction for people with a BMI of 30 kg/m2 or greater and one or more weight-related health problem.

“There are millions of people struggling to lose 30 or more pounds on their own who are eligible for the LAP-BAND® System but do not qualify for healthcare insurance coverage for weight loss treatments due to their BMI,” said Dennis McWilliams, President and Chief Commercial Officer of Apollo Endosurgery. “Weight loss with the LAP-BAND® System is about more than just a procedure. This is why we are working with innovative companies, like American Healthcare Lending, to provide the best services and support to our physicians and patients throughout the weight loss journey.”

“Studies show that obese patients spend significantly more money on healthcare costs each year than non-obese patients as well as have an increased chance of developing other conditions, like diabetes and heart disease, that can impact their quality of life,” said Vafa Shayani, MD, FACS, FASMBS, Chairman of Surgery, Medical Director of Bariatric Surgery at Adventist Bolingbrook Hospital and Vice President of the Illinois Association of Bariatric Surgeons. “Patients with a lower BMI are often not covered for any weight loss treatment options, despite the health and economic benefits. By investing in their health with the LAP-BAND® System, patients have the opportunity to finally achieve their weight loss goals, allowing them to live a healthier life by avoiding potential health concerns as well as reduce their healthcare costs associated with obesity.”

The Apollo Endosurgery and American Healthcare Lending partnership was designed to offer a financing service that is beneficial to both physicians and patients. American Healthcare Lending has assisted over 300,000 individuals in obtaining over $5 billion in loans. In partnership with Apollo Endosurgery, American Healthcare Lending is now offering patients low monthly payment plans to cover the cost of LAP-BAND® System procedures and aftercare, including deductibles, self-pays, and co-pays. Patients can be pre-qualified for a loan in two minutes or less by visiting www.lapband.com orwww.americanhealthcarelending.com/lapbandloan/.

Once a patient is pre-qualified for a loan through American Healthcare Lending, the program also provides assistance in finding a physician offering the procedure that is engaged with the financing service. Physicians who are enrolled in the LAP-BAND® financing program benefit by having only one low annual fee of $2,990, regardless of how many of their patients utilize the financing service, rather than paying a merchant fee of up to 8% per loan, which is standard with other financing programs.

About Apollo Endosurgery, Inc.

Apollo Endosurgery, Inc. is a leader in minimally invasive endoscopic surgical products for bariatric and gastrointestinal procedures. Apollo Endosurgery was cofounded with the Apollo Group, a unique collaboration of physicians from the Mayo Clinic, Johns Hopkins University, Medical University of South Carolina, the University of Texas Medical Branch and the Chinese University of Hong Kong. This collaboration developed a broad portfolio of patents in the field of endoscopic surgery that became the foundation of Apollo Endosurgery. For more information regarding Apollo Endosurgery, go to: www.apolloendo.com and follow us @Apollo_Endo.

APOLLO ENDOSURGERY and LAP-BAND are worldwide trademarks or registered trademarks of Apollo Endosurgery, Inc.

About LAP-BAND® System

In a LAGB procedure, a band is placed around the upper part of the stomach. As the band inflates, it shrinks the size of the stomach. This helps individuals reduce the amount of food intake and slows emptying into the lower stomach. This helps individuals feel full sooner, stay full longer and reduce hunger urge.

The LAP-BAND® System was acquired in late 2013 by Apollo Endosurgery, Inc. of Austin, Texas, from Allergan, Inc.

Warnings: The LAP-BAND® System is a long-term implant. Explant and replacement surgery may be required. Patients who become pregnant or severely ill or who require more extensive nutrition may require deflation of their bands. Adverse Events: Placement of the LAP-BAND System is major surgery and, as with any surgery, death can occur. Possible complications include the risks associated with the medications and methods used during surgery, the risks associated with any surgical procedures, and the patient’s ability to tolerate a foreign object implanted in the body. Band slippage, erosion and deflation, reflux, obstruction of the stomach, dilation of the esophagus, infection, or nausea and vomiting may occur. Reoperation may be required. Rapid weight loss may result in complications that may require additional surgery. Deflation of the band may require additional surgery. Deflation of the band may alleviate excessively rapid weight loss or esophageal dilation.

Read more: http://www.digitaljournal.com/pr/2085568#ixzz38x9xQ4O7

Go You Chicken Fat, GO!

I have two sides to my feelings on this ad:

I am oddly intrigued by the fact that I do not utilize my own iPhone this way. I just throw my music on at the gym and GO and it is not as nice and edited as the Apple advert makes it seem.

The other half of me wants to scream and yell at whomever THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA — honestly by tugging-at-the-childhood-fears of the fat kid who heard this little song you added to the edit as a kid in elementary school?  I am too young to have known about it, but I am that fat kid who failed the Presidential Physical Fitness Test. The "kids" that would recognize it are not the "kids" shown in the ad — clearly.  They are the next generation maybe.  

Because what the hell is CHICKEN FAT?

New

#itfits

It, fits?  OH COME ON.  

The NEW AND IMPROVED LAPBAND!  

You can do better!

New

Apollo Endosurgery, Inc., the leader in minimally invasive endoscopic surgical products for bariatric and gastrointestinal procedures, today announced the launch of the “It Fits” campaign, aimed at rejuvenating the LAP-BAND® System and educating a broad range of patients about the benefits of the minimally-invasive weight loss procedure.

“It Fits” supports the company’s decision to place greater emphasis on the unique advantage of the LAP-BAND® System – the only FDA approved device for weight reduction for people with at least one weight-related health problem, and having a BMI of 30 or greater.

Read more: http://www.digitaljournal.com/pr/1989812#ixzz34taKYjn9

The new ad spot – from Apollo – tugs right there at your heart, don't it?  I might be tearing up over all of the completely stereotypical situations right here in this here commercial!  OMG I CAN FIT IN THE AEROPLANE SEATBELT WITHOUT AN EXTENDER COULD YOU PLEASE PUT ME IN A COMMERCIAL ALTHOUGH I WAS NEVER SUPER MORBIDLY OBESE I AM JUST AN ACTOR!

Until this and my tears dry up!

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Because of course we will ignore the patient histories of thousands — to have a procedure to lose how much weight?  

Just as a frame of reference, that makes me qualify in a few BMI points.  Confession:  when I reached my high weight about the same time the new BMI-qualifications for the Allergan-owned lap-band came around, I decided THAT WAS IT.  I could not possibly do it again, my butt was not revising band-over-bypass for that much weight, not after watching this weight loss community for 12 years.  Nope.

Jawdrop