Deep Thoughts About My Job.


I am still thinking about it.  I think the Claritin is effecting my brain, which is currently falling out of my nostrils.

Getting to goal and weight maintenance as a job.

I slept on it.  Figuratively. 

I guess I could think about it this way:  If I had re-gained all my excess weight by now, at five and a half years post surgery, would I be blogging about my journey or about any other facet of weight loss surgery?

Probably not, probably not at ALL. 

Perhaps I would feel compelled to be completely anonymous and maybe if I DID blog about my situation, it would be entirely negative.  I am a pretty cynical person as is, but add to that a complete weight regain, this blog would be The! ANTI! WLS! page.

I know I am frequently glass is half-empty about surgical intervention, particularly roux en y gastric bypass, but that because from where I sit?  It feels that way.  It is difficult to be positive and promote something when it isn’t working for you in every way.  I do find it funny when I am accused of Selling Surgery, or The Post Surgery Lifestyle.  o-O

So, yeah, the weight loss part?  THAT WORKED.  I have proved that I can maintain a certain level of success with obstacles being thrown at me.  All things considered, I should have failed. 

But, if I did not succeed or maintain any success, I don’t think I would be blogging about any of this, it would be a lot harder.  I can’t lie.  I am not a good liar, and I am not anonymous.  Yes, some days, I wish I had remained anonymous, and written from the anon standpoint, because it would be so much easier to spill the beans on many situations and such that make Such! Good! Content!  But, I can’t go back now, and I have always written as if I knew my grandmother might read it – she’s not offended.  😉

The continual trial and error of maintaining some success has been directly impacted by this blog.  I wonder what my current state would be had I never started writing.  It would be much easier to give up and blend back into fat anonymity.  You betcha!   I keep a certain reign on myself knowing that I “have to” report back and be accountable to this blog.

I guess that means I have made it a “job” and the blog (aka the reader) is my “boss.”  

My pay came first in the form of perseverance even when I could just give up.  I started blabbering here and there in 2004 about this experience.  That’s a long time.

Much, much later, I earned actual income from partnerships with companies to promote their products because, I carried on.  Even when I don’t want to, even when I have the urge to run for the penuche fudge, I stick with it, and even when I get duped, I come back, because, it’s my job.

Please, stick around, I need to know it’s my job, so I will continue to plug away every day and stay accountable to YOU.

Picture 2


Doesn't it figure that the day I start with a bitch session, Bing.com sends me like, 7000 hits so far today?

(A normal day here is 1300 hits.)

Uh, hi there searchers!  I'll be nicer soon.Picture 2

Woulda been nice had it been something I WROTE, too.


Internet Bully.

If you’re a dooce reader – you know of her recent washing machine saga.  She bought a machine, it broke, she Twittered about it, all sorts of people got cah-razy mean and start spewing at her that she’s a big bully.

This is why I can relate, and I don’t necessarily agree that she’s a bully. Url

I have a small blog.  I have a small “following.”  Last year I blogged (B.T. Before Twitter) about my toddler being told to “Shut The Fuck Up” by a car salesman.

Stepping back.

I need a goal.  Throwing everything else aside, I need a goal.  Not weight loss, not exercise, because those things are forever. 

I need a goal for what I am doing HERE, at this site, and overall.

A year and a half ago I decided that I would make mm.net a 'job.'  Why?  Because I found myself spinning like a hamster in a wheel sidelined with a health condition that kept me at home.  I'm still at home, on a countdown to driving very soon (knock on wood, swing a chicken, pray to the goddesses, I don't care – do it) and I need something to work towards. 

My goal was to increase my contributions to the family income, from home, because I cannot work in a typical sense.  How amazing to be able to do this, while doing something I enjoy!  I have, and I am grateful, and it's been more help than you could ever know.  Six people, dog and cat on one income, it's NOT okay.  Mama HAS to contribute.

In this same time, I have realized that once you start taking on opportunities like I have, you quickly get screwed. Seriously, you have NO idea how many screws I have gotten (those are old), and I mean that in the non-literal sense. 

You would think it's all very simple, and that people would follow through, but promises mean nothing.  I am not pointing a finger right now but I can see how this is a cycle. 

Again, I am not pointing fingers.  I have had GREAT experiences with many companies.  (I know that a few of them will read this, and they've been great to me.  Thank you.)

Company A wants this, promises you that, you follow through, sometimes immediately, and then they're nowhere to be found, or they reply that they can't follow through, but you did a GREAT JOB, kthanxbai!  OR – they're out there – but not following through at all, just stringing you along with promises.

Then, there's every email I get:

"Hi there!  I just read your post about __________, and I think that's great!  Would you be willing to share our line of <insert random product here> with your readers?  We think that they will really appreciate it!  For your participation, we'll send YOU a ONE OF A KIND dishrag, and ONE FOR YOUR READERS!  Imagine that!  Post NOW!"

Don't forget when I've been asked to change the way I do things. 

"You might want to consider saying it 'this way' – you know – you don't want to offend anyone."

"Don't use those words."

"Could you send us your post before you post it, we'd like a chance to read it and edit it before it goes live."

You might think those requests might come for PAID work, they don't.  They are from folks who might ask me for a favor.

I am an idiot.

Case in point, the popcorn guy.  He signed up for an ad.  I liked his product, tried it first, and we agreed on an ad for such and such a month.  He never, ever paid. 

"I can't afford it, sorry, can I pay you in popcorn?"

Do you have any idea how much business I sent him?  And, it's so little money, that legally, I have nothing.

He was not the first or the last, or even the one in between.  I still get links in from companies that screwed me.

I guess this is to say I have to look out for myself a lot better if I am going to be my own little entity.  I am a single person, and it's easy to take advantage of the silly little blogger. 

I need much more.  I need a goal.  I am going to succeed, regardless of how many popcorn salesmen there are in my way.  Just, how?  What's next? 

Grateful. Thank you.

I ended the last post kind of blah.  It's just that I have watched, sort of from afar, the snowball effect of job loss.  I hate to play, 'what if,' but 'what if ' you are not prepared for the possibility of loss?  My spouse is the kind of guy that will go out and apply for a new job on the way home from getting laid off, of course there really isn't any other choice.  But, he will not slack.  He would sooner take the trash out at McDonald's than let us miss a mortgage payment, I know that.  (Technically, he did already, one of his first jobs – Assistant Restaurant Manager of a Mickey D's.)  This is not a man who will take one minute on the couch bereaving his loss. 

Maybe it is because I feel somewhat helpless because I cannot get out there and help out.  If we get in a situation – and Mama must work?  What then?   I can imagine what he would have to do to keep us afloat. (Don't even suggest what I would do as a single parent.  I have NO idea.)

Which brings me to this site.  Thank you, thank you for being here.  By having traffic on the site, I have been able to help my family.  You have no idea how good it feels to pay bills.  (Eww, I said that.) 

No, seriously, I haven't made a regular paycheck from outside work that was enough to pay actual bills since 2006.   I was fired from that job.  (It's in the archives.)  I found myself pregnant.

Working here and there gave pocket change, I worked 30 hours a week to buy the groceries in 2007. 

2008 brought immediate change.  In one day I was no longer able to go to work.  What now?

By having this blog, and the fact that YOU COME HERE has allowed me to contribute beyond being the primary diaper-changer and dinner maker.  ;)  I appreciate every single one of you, and every single click on my sponsors.  (Even Google thanks you, as Google pays my electric bill.)  I realize that a great portion of you reach the blog via feed readers and do not see the advertisements on my page, but know they are there and helping me immeasurably at this point.  I cannot depend on this, but for now, it's helping while I cannot go to work.  I am taking some of the income from the ads and paying it forward, of course paying bills, and starting new projects, which I will absolutely share with you.

I thank you.

I guess inappropriate would work for me.

I was online last night, trying to pick domain names for a new site.  Every single thing I pick?  Taken.  What blows about that – is – that most sites are just stashed away and unused.  Back when I snagged MM, MM dot com was squirreled away, and it still is.  Boo. 

Of course everything silly inappropriate or slightly offensive that I pick because I like the sound of it – is available.  Everything appropriate is long gone.

In the end, I chose a name that is a mix of appropriate and silly. 

A thank you.

I just want to take a moment and say thanks to the new readers, and welcome.  (My traffic has increased quite a bit in the last couple of days due to the Drama Llama.)  I did not anticipate a new group of readers from this, but I really do appreciate you joining me.

Grab a Diet Coke (giggle), sit down, read a bit, and feel free to email me with any questions.  My email is always open.  

Dead link zone.

This morning I was sifting through my list-o-links, and noticed that many of them were dead, password protected or just plain gone.  So I deleted the whole damn thing. 

Starting afresh, sort of.

I do wonder what happens to people when they are no longer tracking and journaling the journey, you know?  Do they continue on paper?  Do they stop paying attention?  Do they hit a goal, maintain it forever and move on?  (That would be AWESOME.)  I notice this with "diet blogs," people come and go.  They might be really excited to start a journey of weight loss and then they drop off, have a regain and come back.  Repeatedly.  I realize that personal web logs are typically self-serving.  We write them for ourselves, to motivate, track progress and things of that nature.  But, I do wonder what becomes of those who were REALLY into writing it – and then quit.

I am starting new link lists.  I would like to link to quality pre-post weight loss surgery sites, that have content to begin with.

If you have a suggestion – feel free to send it.  Thanks.