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14 Years.

I didn't make a 12 or 13 year update?  Really?  It might be the distracted distraction: 
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It occured to me that I don't have photos to share, partly because I have been sitting at the same. exact. weight. (within five or so pounds) for two-and-a-half years (*see distraction) and there's really nothing to update in that aspect.  
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I started "this journey" more than 15 years ago.
 
My highest weight was 320 pounds.  I have reached a low weight of 145 lbs, once.  I gained over 210 lbs. while pregnant in 2006 and 2015. 
 
I have spent the majority of the last 14 years at or about 170 lbs.  
 
All of this is in the history here on the blog.
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Self – last week
 
I would say that 170 is my eat-what-you-want and "don't do jack shit for cardio aside from chasing a hyperactive toddler/house cleaning and seizure" weight.
 
What do I eat?
 
Old-lady food.  I still loathe cooking.  I would not cook a thing, ever, if there weren't kids here.  I don't cook much anyway, since I was told "not to ever use a knife unattended" or "a stove," so, I just … do, but I don't.  If money were no object, I'd be all over home delivery.
 
Coffee with almond milk, tea, whole grain toast, probiotic cottage cheese, frozen meals, chicken salad.
 
I mix it up with a take out meal about once a week, usually a cold sandwich like roast beef and all the veggies or a BLT.  
 
I regret most meals eaten away from home, so I am careful about food choices if we go out.  I trust no one not to kill me.  I dump on the most random things, or have awful reactions later, so I stick with what Should Work.  
 
I'd say I take in 1500 or so calories most days. Today?  
  • Dave's Killer Bread + Light Butter
  • Two bites protein cookie, the rest donated to the kid
  • Frozen chicken a la king, tossed some of the chicken away
  • And it's nearing 5pm.  Typical.  I'll eat dinner at bedtime.
 
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Bob and I at his police graduation, 2017, his 14 years is next month
 
I have that excess 20- 25 lbs hanging around.  I know how to lose it. I don't do it. At least I have not in the last few years. With my last (POST WLS!) baby who is now eleven, I would get walking for miles, but I don't anticipate that happening anytime soon with my special-fall-on-the-ground-head-crack seizures that developed in the last few years (*see the timing correlation?) Well, at least I did it back then and did not realize I was falling down.
 
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Christmas Day, 2017 – Myself and all the "kids"
 
I have two cardio machines in the house. I'm not using them and my excuse is the youngest child that climbs on them with me. (YOU HAVE TO KNOW HIM.  HE IS THAT CHILD.)  Getting up before he does or climbing out of bed after he sleeps to exercise is … not tempting. I'm just not that into it, yet.  Clearly exercise is not a priority. 
 
I think that remaining upright — is?
*On that topic which some of you don't like to read, but it's a huge part of my life/day — I'm taking lots of medications, which need a little tinkering (again, usually once a year I'm in the hospital for a tune up) since I am obviously having lots of seizure activity.   I currently take ONFI, Topamax, Banzel, and as needed Lorazepam.  They are treating my various types of seizures.  I just tapered off of a huge amount of Keppra. I suspect these will change in the near future, because me.
 
People ask me if I blame my gastric bypass for this "condition" or it's increasing changes/etc.  No.  I was born with the brain malformation that causes seizures, and at this point in my life I believe I had seizure activity longer than anyone knew (maybe since I was very small, in the form of smaller seizures that no one noticed, I understand the symptoms now) — but the gastric bypass caused a trigger by changing my gut.  The science shows that the gut can affect the brain — and I feel that in some way the WLS lowered my seizure threshold by altering my gut, and making my malformation — "turn on" and show it's full power.  I feel that there's a cure in my lifetime, if it's fecal transplants, brain stimulators or who knows what else – because there are many of us out there with post WLS seizures
 
What do you want to know about "long term" post weight loss surgery life?  
 
Any questions, I am a too-open book.  Ask here or Facebook.  Just don't sell me anything unless you plan on sending it to me free.
 
 
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Like a weed, as they say.

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For reference, the top photo is baby, day one at home with Dad at just under five pounds.

The second photo is baby, this week, with me, but you can't see my head, because he's grown a bit. 

Babies have a tendency to do this.  Mine, usually grow right off the growth chart. 

He has a check-up next week and we'll see if he's finally on the chart — because — he wasn't for a while.  Both of my post weight loss surgery babies started out smaller than my pre weight loss surgery babies.  Elliott, above here, is also the first baby I gestated while on a huge amount of anti epileptic medications, and I often wondered if he would be effected by marinating in toxins like my brain did (and still does… )

I will always wonder.

 

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Bad dreams and bouncing ships and real estate in Maine

I don't sleep well in an empty-ish house.  I have nightmares that are frighteningly realistic when there's nobody in my bed.  The positive is that I quickly forget them if I get OUT of bed and do something.  I will not analyze this last one – and I am going to blame my daughter for renting a very disturbing movie last night that must have crept inside my subconscious.  

SHIVER.

My younger kids and spouse took off to Busch Gardens and Colonial Williamsburg for the last few days.  They're currently en route home — it is a long. drive. home.

I did not go for a couple reasons – first off – my dog just spent a week at a sitter's house because we went on a cruise and we would have had to board her again.  She promptly came home and pooped on the carpet.  

Next, this trip was sort of unplanned — Dad and kids were planning to go white water rafting (which I was not planning to join them on… rafting would have been fun, however my youngest was too little to join) and they had canceled that trip and made this one last minute and sort of just went on the fly.  

I do not do well on amusement park rides, in fact I don't go on them at all.  To bring this a bit on the topic of WLS, sure I understand that a huge part of many people's journeys is to "fit on a rollercoaster again!"  

But for me? 

Oh. hell. naw.  I do fit.  I didn't fit for a time.  I don't care that I fit.  It was never a "non-scale victory" in my mind because I didn't care to go back, you know?

I never, ever enjoyed rides as a big girl.  Disney — Waterparks — all of it — LOATHE. THEM.  I enjoy them much much less now.  

I believe that the epilepsy diagnoses and subsequent antiseizure medications make movement-dizziness and perception much more of a problem than it was prior to seizures and meds.  This became crystal clear on our recent cruise of the Northern Atlantic Ocean, where I became visually sea-sick every time I saw the waves and felt the ship bump.  My brains – eyes – can't handle the disconnect anymore.  It took nearly a week to stop feeling the ship move in my head, so getting on a ride to make that feeling happen on purpose is not really enticing to me.

I do miss taking photographs in parks like Busch – and while being a tourist – but hate to waste the $$.$$ on getting me in the park just to be the event timeline photographer.  (Which is often my role in any location with moving parts.)

Anyway while they were off, I went to the neurologist to update about my failed WADA test and redo …(separate post to come, my brains are special!) and a quick trip to Maine with my parents and oldest daughter.

We visited Ogunquit, ME and the Nubble Lighthouse.  I've decided that fore a mere several million dollars, I could live in either location, thanks.

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EEG Results – My poor brains – and do you still think I’m attention whoring and faking?

I got the first wave of bills from my health insurer yesterday for my vacation in the neurology unit at my hospital.  We have a 90/10 plan, so, yeah… seven days.  That's a lot of money.  While I left the hospital and immediately enjoyed 15 days seizure-free on new medication, the seizures came BACK.  I am now back in my regular pattern of complex partial seizures every 3-7 days, including this morning at 6am.  "Yay."

I just emailed my neurologist to let him know, when I noted that my EEG results were online.  I suppose you will believe me NOW?