excess arm skin

That time I shamefully admit I was lazy.

excess arm skin

December 2013
1531945_10202017316969133_170029225_o

February 2014
1797538_10201991094753594_588727714_n

Current

This is that moment where I put my tail between my legs and come to you and say it — because this is what I Need To See – Proof That A Thing Works?

I have a very literal type brain.  (More on that later this year.  I promise you. My next appointment is Valentine's Day.)

Left-vs-right-brain-mix11

Figure out where Beth's seizure focus is?

I must have proof of a thing in order to believe it.  I do not blindly follow anything without seeing results, documents, charts that show me "IF YOU DO X, Y will be yours."  This is why I am a hard "sell" and you rarely see reviews here anymore.  (More on that, coming, too.)

In 2012 I was in a regain pattern and found myself hitting a high weight that I could not imagine after RNY.

image from http://aviary.blob.core.windows.net/k-mr6i2hifk4wxt1dp-14020918/4d86845e-4c9c-41d5-a316-a2246a703da4.png

Regain, 2012

I refused to allow it although I know realistically it is possible.  I've been there before.  And knowing that I need to eat food  – I realised I needed to do something different because obviously eating as much food as I want/need to and not moving my ass was no longer working.

I added a little bit of exercise — and I saw a little bit of endurance increase.  And I struggled to keep going, and keep at it and now I finally see body results.  

The scale is in solid maintenance mode.  I see range of up 5 lbs down 5 lbs up 5 lbs down lbs every single month.  But I guarantee my muscle mass is increasing.  I will get a new assessment done at some point to ensure this — and see because I am interested in knowing the percentage of change.

This is where those people who used to scream at me to MOVE MY ASS get to say, "WE TOLD YOU SO."  I did not listen.  I was (…somewhat, but not really) lazy.  I thought I could get away with just "eating okay" and being relatively active.  

Nope.  I am proof it (…sitting on your ass) doesn't work.  



Why do we not HAVE THIS!? Gyms for people of size!

EXACTLY.  Do you know how long it took me to put my butt inside a gym?!  Listen at this link.

I talk all the time about having enough money to open gyms for all-sizes-and-levels.  Regardless of my size, I am still 320 lbs in my head and I am more comfortable surrounded with women of size.

It's one of a number of companies and organizations that are marketing fitness to people who are overweight or obese. It's not a bad business strategy, considering that 69 percent of American adults fit in that category, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The Planet Fitness chain touts its "Judgment Free Zones". In Omaha, Neb., Square Onepromises you won't find "size 2's in sports bras sprinting on treadmills." This gym, started by Marty Wolff, who competed on NBC's "The Biggest Loser," says it is for "people of size." And many YMCA facilities feature photos of the faces and bodies of actual members – "real people" – instead of supermodels or body builders.

Schrantz used to be a chronic gym quitter. She'd sign up, go once and never return. The looks she got at other gyms made her uncomfortable.

"My thought on that is why are you looking at me when I got off of the couch, I got off of my bed and I'm actually doing something about it?" Schrantz said, during an interview at the gym. Still, she says, "It's hard."

As she said that, she began to tear up. Other members of the gym came to comfort her. They put their arms around her while she cried.

Here, members sweat together – and shed tears together.

Kishan Shah is the CEO of Downsize, which has hundreds of members across the U.S. They weigh anywhere from 200 to 700 pounds. Shah used to weigh 400 pounds and have a 62-inch waist. Today, he's half that weight and always finds time for a yoga or cardio class in between business meetings.

Fitness is about a lot more than just looks, Shah says.

Screen Shot 2013-05-01 at 10.04.28 AM

Apathy and failure

Recently when I saw a fresh weight loss and posted it, I was confronted with a commenter who asked me why I posted my body-weight.  It is a fair question and I do not challenge her asking it, because it's been asked of me many times when I have posted my actual weight-as-a-number.


Screen Shot 2013-05-01 at 10.04.28 AM

I will say that number-sharing is the norm (…or was?) in the weight loss surgery/bariatric community as a whole for as long as I have been a part of it — and that is at least 10-12 years that I have actively read and participated in emails, groups and chats.  I posted the question as a poll this morning on Facebook as well.  Go answer!  Come back.


Screen Shot 2013-05-03 at 10.01.47 AM

Back in the hey-day of message boards we would add a line of text to our signatures (..siggies!) to signify our –

  • HW (Highest Weight)
  • SW (Start Weight or Surgery Weight)
  • CW (Current Weight)
  • GW (Goal Weight)

They would look alot like this!

Beth 

HW – 320  SW – 298  CW – 151 – GW – 150

Don't judge the comic-sans.  

Tumblr_m8ew3ta7Qg1qzeluh
I would go back to *my old posts circa 2003/2004 and show you, except I was banned from my message board back then, and my posts via BethLButterfly disappeared.  She posted in Comic Sans at times. Her demise is why MM exists.

Number or weight sharing is.  Was.  Always will be?  I would say that in general — most individuals that have bariatric surgery are often proud of every single pound lost, and want to wear their "pounds lost" as a badge of honor.  Some post ops are extraordinarily proud and not only wear the pounds lost, current weight, but will add things like "LBS GONE FOREVER!"  

Losing weight is no easy feat, and after bariatric surgery — it feels like victory. Why wouldn't someone want to own it — even just for a while?  I suppose when you've been 500, 400, 300, 250 lbs — wearing a newly slimmed down self is quite a change and being able to put that number out there to the universe — even just for a while is worth it.


21929_486220584755688_22731161_n
Now, for me.  This commenter wondered if my posting about my actual number was an obsession – let me clear it up here.  No.  I've always weighed myself.  


8690195895_156d79fcd3_b
Bariatric surgery and the life afterwards is ALL ABOUT NUMBERS.  Losing pounds, inches, and sometimes counting calories, measuring food, and exercise.  If you're a pre-op that doesn't want to 'hear that' – I am sorry – but it really, truly, is.

I absolutely understand that some people take these numbers to an extreme – and extremes are unhealthy at any level — and that is how we get into situations like: needing bariatric surgery.  Extreme caloric intake is unhealthy, an extreme sedentary lifestyle is unhealthy.  We require balance.  

It takes a very long time for some people to learn this:  example —->  ME.

While I have always "weighed-in,"  I am also The Queen Of Avoidance, and as soon as I see the scale move up – I remove the scale.  (That's magic, if I can't see my regain, no one else can.  That is, until I SEE THE PHOTO EVIDENCE MYSELF AND SCREAM.  *See below.)  


I_love_avoidance_mugs-r3ec8a1afe4ac49959249d85de8e0bac8_x7jgr_8byvr_210

So what has changed?  I removed myself from the effects of negative influences — changed my views on some things and … GASP …

I added ACCOUNTABILITY to my daily life.  I now weigh myself near-daily, or at LEAST weekly.  I check-in my food nearly every single day on a journal.  

Is that obsessive?  No.  Why?  Because before — not paying attention led to weight regain.  Surrounding myself by people with negative and apathetic views on life – brought me down.

Apathy causes failure.  


Instant_apathy

Yes, I am fully aware I am a Bariatric Bad Girl – but maybe now you understand – BAD DOES NOT EQUATE "BAD," or breaking rules, or doing things WRONG.  

It's BAD-ASS.  (Help us help, BTW.)

*June 2012 – April 2013


903692_10200195893914695_225320087_o
 

But, recently I started paying attention – and seeing results:


Screen Shot 2013-05-03 at 7.45.36 AM

My brain likes to see results, black and white, literal, on paper, in lines, to show me that if I DO X – Y WILL HAPPEN.


Screen Shot 2013-05-03 at 8.20.49 AM

Because it works.  (Shut up Weight Watchers.)  And my little brain likes proof.   


8690195461_d7dc3da19c_b

If I can see tangible results I will keep going – I will keep doing a thing if I can see a result.  I do not like to work for "free – " you see.  Does that make sense?  Here's an example, a very simple one.  I started going to the gym and doing basic exercise (…long walks on the treadmill and seated elliptical) about a month ago (…I'll check back in my Facebook check ins) and I noticed a tangible result the night before last.  My leg muscles are coming back.  This is enough to create a positive reaction to keep me motivated.  

It's not about obsessing about a number.  I don't have a goal.  

Brain_wired

Do you obsess about your BODY or APPEARANCE? Your brain might be different.

Brain_wired

It's not uncommon for those of us who have lost massive amounts of weight with bariatric surgery to have major issues with body dysmorphic disorder or problems seeing ourselves the way we really look.

Some post weight loss patients suffer terrible with body dysmorphia — some to a much lesser degree.
But, could brains actually be different in those who have BDD?

Octane xR6 Series Recumbent Elliptical Machine

Dear Octane People, Thanks for making this. This product works for me.  I am able to use this pretty effortlessly after using the treadmill for an hour — and I am NOT complaining yet.  

<3, The new girl at the gym with excess skin who does not enjoy flopping it all around.

Screen Shot 2013-04-11 at 1.13.54 PM

1200 calories burned.

Screen Shot 2013-04-11 at 1.13.54 PM

I am not known for being … "active."

28681-nicki-minaj-Hell-no-gif-LuBd

When I post this image, it's a big deal for me.  This indicates that Beth Has Been On The Treadmill For An Hour Almost Every Day 9/10 Days.  I also don't typically chart my activity unless I do something on purpose so – this is "doing something on purpose."
I am trying to make a habit — to create a new habit — to learn to enjoy exercise before I develop complete loathing for it.  Because it isn't that I hate exercise, I don't.  I just don't enjoy many of same things that others LIKE to do and I am not cut out for a lot of the things that many of you might enjoy.
For example – I will never be a long distance outdoor runner.   It just won't happen.  I can't run outdoors, unsupervised.  Why? I am an uncontolled epileptic and likely to dash into traffic.  I can't swim alone for the same reason, nor can my kids.  I can't kayak.  I can't use a bike.  Nor can I take my kids on bike rides.   Yeah, yeah.  It sucks.  Whine whine.  LOL.
I CAN walk briskly on a treadmill with a safety clip on – with people around me.   (10 times, 10 hours. 3/5-4 miles each. I haven't fallen.)

GIF-Cats-on-a-treadmill

Nobody needs to know I am a high-fall risk.  (Even though I am.)    I take two medications that cause "dizziness" and "sleepiness" among other things.
I CAN walk with the family away from the road, in the woods, trails, etc.    I can hula hoop.  I can roller skate!   (I just did.)  I can take classes at the gym when I can GET there.   I've been lying to myself about all the "can'ts."  
It is really more about won'ts, isn't it?
So.
I don't really have an excuse.  I CAN.

Ricki Lake – Bargain shopping for plastic surgery – Addicted To Plastic Surgery

Plastic surgery gone awry – to save a buck.  By the way – this isn't just something that happens with cheap plastics – more on THAT later – I promise.