Madness.

(Ignore me if I don't make sense.  My brain is oatmeal – post seizure.)

I don't particularly enjoy posting personal crap  on my personal blog.   I know I shouldn't because it's my blog, but ever since I read an article about "Blogs, and Who Do They Really Help?" I felt a little more than guilty about ranting about my own issues on a consistent basis.  This means I often avoid sharing many items because I am concerned that all you're seeing is blah, blah, blah.  I avoid a lot.  I often start blog posts in my head and then quit.  The things you don't know!  LOL.

I guess it would easier to blog without disclosing difficulty.  I wonder sometimes if I should quit sharing and just gloss over stuff.

Yes, this is the wordy way (I stopped myself here — I was about to jump into another 2000 word post, but I just looked at the time, and I don't want to stay up late.) to say I had a seizure tonight.  72 hours into not one, not two, but three anti-epileptic drugs, and I seized.

I was busy helping my daughter clean her room when apparently I stopped vacuuming, told her that I "was having a seizure, I could feel it…" and in a very "special needs voice"  (that's EXACTLY how she describes it, there is NO other way to describe the way I speak) I kept repeating "I have seizure, I seizure, I need sugar.."

During this episode, I started to fall, slow-motion to the ground, into a bag of rubbish that I was filling, and onto my knees.   I remained there until I came out of the episode, and she asked me if I remembered having the seizure, and I believe I told her that I recall feeling a little bit of it, but "Not really."

This is a typical scenario — and I am glad I was with the kids when it happened — for witnesses.  I have no idea how often I seize without anyone to tell me when it occurs, I spend the majority of my days with the four year old, and she hasn't picked up on the seizure behavior yet.  I note that she CAN catch my staring episodes.  If I stop and stare — which is very common when I am on these medicines — she will look in the direction I am looking and then ask me to stop. 

I hope that this is just my body getting adjusted to the new medication, and not a sign of things to come.  If the new medication isn't going to work, I'm going to drop them all and start fresh, because this is just madness, taking *this many* pills five times a day… and still seizing?  Madness.