I just sat here for a moment and thought I might/should want to write my food down and check in. And then I realized how boring my intake is. I have been in a holding pattern, I think the seizure meds have really been screwing with me. I am not gaining weight anymore. THANK GOODNESS. HOORAY. I may even see 169 pounds again very soon. I haven't seen that in a long, long time.
But, the thing about Topamax — food is different, some things even repulsive! My circle of accepted foods has grown even smaller and more boring, and not so conducive to weight loss either. Vegetables — I laugh in your face! A few bites of watermelon and I retch.
That said, I feel I would be losing weight right now if I got my tush to exercising. I have been avoiding because the seizures are not stopping. I really do not want to walk in to an oncoming car or fall off the treadmill. I don't blog much about them because of the random "OMG YOUR BLOG SCARED ME SO MUCH IS MY SURGERY GOING TO KILLLLLL MEEEEEEEE?" emails that I get. (Just got one.)
I had one yesterday on the phone with Mr. while he was at work, and he called back and asked if I was "Done having your seizure yet?" Luckily it can be comical. I think I could have fun with this way of life if I FELT THEM COMING!
"Quick, grab the camera, Mama's gonna talk funny again!"
I told Mr. MM as we were in Boston last night to check out a hotel (for the maybe MM event) that I was moving downtown with or without him. They have TAXIS. LOOK AT THE TAXIS! Will trade 2,000+ sq feet and 1 acre!
I have just about had it with my brain. When I told the neuro that the seizures were still occurring every week or every few days he said that was pretty much unacceptable. I thought that's what epileptics did, had seizures.
He suggested surgery, because in my first MRI he saw a hint of a polymicrogyria. I asked him if we could prove it first somehow – or at least get proof of seizures on EEG – because nothing has ever been shown. He backed off and said, continue with meds for a while. I simply did not want a scalpel in my head — what if it hit another location while taking out the bad part? What if the seizures are not coming from the wrinkly part of the brain? There ARE potential other reasons! The neuro doesn't believe so, but… I am not a doctor.
It would be wonderful if we could narrow down the problem to one location – rip it out – and start new. But, we all know that nothing is ever that simple. Which means, here I am, on too much medicine, eating too much cheese and sausage, feeling like I am walking through fog.
The other part of this equation – my gut. I have been offered the opportunity to have a revision. Would losing the roux en y help stop the seizures (even if they are ENTIRELY UNRELATED) by giving back some absorption? Could avoiding hypoglycemia also help stop the seizures? It is possible.
Again, not so simple. Nothing is.