Oh, dear.

I am online, trying to find good information about complex partial seizures, because I have these much more frequently than the big seizures.  I had one yesterday, and while I am usually not aware of what’s happening, I get slight warning sometimes, and I realize that something happened afterward when things are out of place, or in yesterday’s case, the Pixy Stix was opened and EATEN, because part of my “automatism” is “I need sugar, feed me sugar, I am hypoglycemic.”  It is the craziest thing. 

If I am WITH someone else — they might see me wandering, fumbling in a drawer, cabinet, or pocketbook, looking for “sugar,” trying to “fix” what is wrong in my head.  Bob has fed me glucose, checked my sugars, for a couple years now, it’s been low sugar sometimes, and sometimes it’s totally normal.

Last night, I had a really good low blood sugar, I ate a high carb snack, and my blood sugar tanked.  I was losing my train of thought, and trying to talk on the phone when I realized, “TEST.”  The quick drop felt a lot like the seizure.  It’s hard to tell.  Had I not treated the low – (I was at 44 by the time I realized it) – maybe I woulda BEEN wandering and pacing – it’s all the same to me?!

I am aware at the very beginning of the seizure that I feel TOTALLY OFF.  It’s all wrong – and then I lose memory.  Sometimes I take this pre-cursory feeling as “Here comes the big one,” and I prepare for a big one, as much as I can, getting to a softer landing place, and making sure everybody else is safe. 

When it happens in public, it’s no fun.  Sure, if I don’t remember it, who cares, but I usually have a sllliiiiiight ‘aura’ or sick feeling first, so it’s embarrassing to know that I might fall on the floor, start wandering aimlessly or start eating cashews or glucose tablets out of my pocketbook while pacing and staring into space.

Do I need my own aide?  I used to BE an aide.  GAH.  This is why we must find the cause.  Fix me, damn it.

Heheh… there are no new informational videos out there.  Deal with 1986.

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