Strictly hip hop, or I ain’t singing this. My TED unreview.

NSFW or kids –

My kids don't know that Marky Mark ever had a funky bunch. You see, I was in middle school when that song came out, and Mark Wahlberg and his funky bunch were popular.  Mark Wahlberg is also from my hometown. So, when Beantown boys make famous, people notice. Take a moment to enjoy the Bunch.

I heard of TED from my kids. Right. "But all our friends have seen it!"


 They have been talking about it for months, as there's a million Youtube clips online.  I initially thought TED was a horror movie, remember Teddy Ruxpin?  Yeah, I thought TED was about a bear-gone-psycho.  Because I was afraid of Teddy Ruxpin.  I was.  

"Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane brings his boundary-pushing brand of humor to the big screen for the first time as writer, director and voice star of Ted. In the live action/CG-animated comedy, he tells the story of John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg), a grown man who must deal with the cherished teddy bear who came to life as the result of a childhood wish…and has refused to leave his side ever since. — (C) Universal


I am not a Family Guy fan, so this movie was not on my radar.

TED is about a man with Peter-Pan syndrome and his teddy bear turned imaginary friend turned real.  The bear is an obnoxious characterization of a man who Really Exists here in Massachusetts. Marky Mark's character is pleasantly boring unlike the bear– who is a genital-free creature with too much testosterone.  

NSFW or young kids…

This movie was perfectly targeted to people my age and in my general location. Every Boston reference, 1980's reference, toy reference, etc… was something I recognized.  The house that the first part of the movie was shot in — for the 1985 scene — is right off my local highway.  The split-level ranch house resembled a house (or two) we used to live in.  And I drooled over the Boston Townhouse that Marky Mark and his girlfriend resided in. It was cool in that sense.  

Younger people might glaze over at some of the products and jokes used, whereas I might have squealed at the CABBAGE PATCH KID, LOOK! and the Nintendo, WE HAD THAT!  I might have sang along to the song "I think we're alone now…" that played when TED was abducted by a creepy dad for his son to play with.  

If you happen to be a 30something who grew up in Massachusetts, who appreciates lots of politically incorrect and crass humor, this movie is specifically for you.  My favorite part was the restaurant girl-fight, and you really have to BE from here to appreciate it.

That said, my family would fawkin' love this friggin' movie.  It's wicked pissah.

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