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Twelve hundred

I’ve been food journaling.


Here is the damage.  

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That’s about 1500 – 1700 calories a day, with nearly everything in my apathy diet included.

I am remaining in the 170 – 173 pound spot.  Obviously, this calorie range keeps me squarely in this weight range.  (I have been here for a year and a half?)

I go from 170 to 175.  I get excited to see 1-6-9, and then, poof, right back into 170’s.  I have always shared (in my BBGC support group) that I believe in 10 – 12 calories per pound maintains my size.

Which also means, if I am EVER going to shake off this excess, I must drop back the calories OR ramp up my daily activity by at least 500 – 700 calories per day.  

HUGE APATHETIC SIGH FILLED WITH TOAST.  “BUT I DON’T WANNNNNNAAAAAA EAT LESS.”  I have become way too comfortable with over-eating.  I can eat me some 1700 calories with ease.  I can polish off a bowl of Anycarbs! like nobodies business.  Hand me Anycarbs! (…except cereal and milk, gag) and I’ll overeat it for you!  

What made me realize this?  One of my daughters decided to start looking at portions.  She pulled out the measuring cups.  And DOG KNOWS I AM A PROFESSIONAL MEASURER OF ALL THINGS NUTRITIVE and I can tell you how many calories are in all the things — but — do I bother measuring my own foods? 

Nah.  scoop scoop scoop 

When I looked at her wee bowl of pasta and realized (for the millionth time) that 1/2 cup of pasta is only > this < much?  And I have been serving myself with > this < much stomach + THIS MUCH + just because it’s there?  Thud.

Last night while watching My 600 LB Life — I noted that Dr. Now puts all the patients on a 1200 calorie diet.  It works.  What I am doing, is not working.  It’s maintaining my obesity.  What does this mean for me?  I am going to make a conscious effort to aim for 1200 calories.  I know that my aiming for that I may or may not – but it’s not a huge deal.  If I can hit it some days, I’ll make progress.  My goal is 150 pounds, so a loss of 20 pounds. To do that, I’ll need to CUT THE CARBS back.  I may need to cut out a meal or snack or three.  Add shakes in?  Maybe.  I haven’t “dieted” in so very long it’s hard to even consider?  I see lots of my online friends having great success with super low carb plans, some even KETO, but, I need something that is very flexible – even – ready to go – with no planning.  I’m just … chaotic.  But I’ll follow anything and be likely to succeed if I can get with it, you know?

Are you following any plans right now?  Do you have excess weight to lose?  

excess arm skin

That time I shamefully admit I was lazy.

excess arm skin

December 2013
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February 2014
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Current

This is that moment where I put my tail between my legs and come to you and say it — because this is what I Need To See – Proof That A Thing Works?

I have a very literal type brain.  (More on that later this year.  I promise you. My next appointment is Valentine's Day.)

Left-vs-right-brain-mix11

Figure out where Beth's seizure focus is?

I must have proof of a thing in order to believe it.  I do not blindly follow anything without seeing results, documents, charts that show me "IF YOU DO X, Y will be yours."  This is why I am a hard "sell" and you rarely see reviews here anymore.  (More on that, coming, too.)

In 2012 I was in a regain pattern and found myself hitting a high weight that I could not imagine after RNY.

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Regain, 2012

I refused to allow it although I know realistically it is possible.  I've been there before.  And knowing that I need to eat food  – I realised I needed to do something different because obviously eating as much food as I want/need to and not moving my ass was no longer working.

I added a little bit of exercise — and I saw a little bit of endurance increase.  And I struggled to keep going, and keep at it and now I finally see body results.  

The scale is in solid maintenance mode.  I see range of up 5 lbs down 5 lbs up 5 lbs down lbs every single month.  But I guarantee my muscle mass is increasing.  I will get a new assessment done at some point to ensure this — and see because I am interested in knowing the percentage of change.

This is where those people who used to scream at me to MOVE MY ASS get to say, "WE TOLD YOU SO."  I did not listen.  I was (…somewhat, but not really) lazy.  I thought I could get away with just "eating okay" and being relatively active.  

Nope.  I am proof it (…sitting on your ass) doesn't work.  



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Apathy and failure

Recently when I saw a fresh weight loss and posted it, I was confronted with a commenter who asked me why I posted my body-weight.  It is a fair question and I do not challenge her asking it, because it's been asked of me many times when I have posted my actual weight-as-a-number.


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I will say that number-sharing is the norm (…or was?) in the weight loss surgery/bariatric community as a whole for as long as I have been a part of it — and that is at least 10-12 years that I have actively read and participated in emails, groups and chats.  I posted the question as a poll this morning on Facebook as well.  Go answer!  Come back.


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Back in the hey-day of message boards we would add a line of text to our signatures (..siggies!) to signify our –

  • HW (Highest Weight)
  • SW (Start Weight or Surgery Weight)
  • CW (Current Weight)
  • GW (Goal Weight)

They would look alot like this!

Beth 

HW – 320  SW – 298  CW – 151 – GW – 150

Don't judge the comic-sans.  

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I would go back to *my old posts circa 2003/2004 and show you, except I was banned from my message board back then, and my posts via BethLButterfly disappeared.  She posted in Comic Sans at times. Her demise is why MM exists.

Number or weight sharing is.  Was.  Always will be?  I would say that in general — most individuals that have bariatric surgery are often proud of every single pound lost, and want to wear their "pounds lost" as a badge of honor.  Some post ops are extraordinarily proud and not only wear the pounds lost, current weight, but will add things like "LBS GONE FOREVER!"  

Losing weight is no easy feat, and after bariatric surgery — it feels like victory. Why wouldn't someone want to own it — even just for a while?  I suppose when you've been 500, 400, 300, 250 lbs — wearing a newly slimmed down self is quite a change and being able to put that number out there to the universe — even just for a while is worth it.


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Now, for me.  This commenter wondered if my posting about my actual number was an obsession – let me clear it up here.  No.  I've always weighed myself.  


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Bariatric surgery and the life afterwards is ALL ABOUT NUMBERS.  Losing pounds, inches, and sometimes counting calories, measuring food, and exercise.  If you're a pre-op that doesn't want to 'hear that' – I am sorry – but it really, truly, is.

I absolutely understand that some people take these numbers to an extreme – and extremes are unhealthy at any level — and that is how we get into situations like: needing bariatric surgery.  Extreme caloric intake is unhealthy, an extreme sedentary lifestyle is unhealthy.  We require balance.  

It takes a very long time for some people to learn this:  example —->  ME.

While I have always "weighed-in,"  I am also The Queen Of Avoidance, and as soon as I see the scale move up – I remove the scale.  (That's magic, if I can't see my regain, no one else can.  That is, until I SEE THE PHOTO EVIDENCE MYSELF AND SCREAM.  *See below.)  


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So what has changed?  I removed myself from the effects of negative influences — changed my views on some things and … GASP …

I added ACCOUNTABILITY to my daily life.  I now weigh myself near-daily, or at LEAST weekly.  I check-in my food nearly every single day on a journal.  

Is that obsessive?  No.  Why?  Because before — not paying attention led to weight regain.  Surrounding myself by people with negative and apathetic views on life – brought me down.

Apathy causes failure.  


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Yes, I am fully aware I am a Bariatric Bad Girl – but maybe now you understand – BAD DOES NOT EQUATE "BAD," or breaking rules, or doing things WRONG.  

It's BAD-ASS.  (Help us help, BTW.)

*June 2012 – April 2013


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But, recently I started paying attention – and seeing results:


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My brain likes to see results, black and white, literal, on paper, in lines, to show me that if I DO X – Y WILL HAPPEN.


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Because it works.  (Shut up Weight Watchers.)  And my little brain likes proof.   


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If I can see tangible results I will keep going – I will keep doing a thing if I can see a result.  I do not like to work for "free – " you see.  Does that make sense?  Here's an example, a very simple one.  I started going to the gym and doing basic exercise (…long walks on the treadmill and seated elliptical) about a month ago (…I'll check back in my Facebook check ins) and I noticed a tangible result the night before last.  My leg muscles are coming back.  This is enough to create a positive reaction to keep me motivated.  

It's not about obsessing about a number.  I don't have a goal.  

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Regain After Weight Loss Surgery.

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Left –  Fitbloggin' 2012  Right – This Week – Lost the regain  - Also, 3 pounds to my lowest weight.

Several years ago, a woman messaged on a weight loss surgery forum and told me that my weight chart resembled a roller-coaster and that she wanted to "help me get control."  After a quick Google search — I noted she was seeking a new client for her weight loss surgery coaching business and dumped her "friendship."

Thumbs_Up!

Friends do not pay friends to help them lose weight, maintain weight loss or to help them lose regained weight after weight loss surgery.  If you are paying someone for your friendship, it might be time to redefine that friendship — just saying.  I suppose this changes if your friend happens to be a weight loss professional?  But how often does that happen — and how many weight loss professionals would potentially destroy a friendship with aligning with your weight loss journey?
Um.  No.  A professional would NOT.
  • Weight loss is personal.
  • It is something you choose for yourself when you are ready.
  • Weight loss is not something you can be talked into – nor shamed into.  

Regain after weight loss surgery is also a very touchy subject.  Countless bariatric patients go through it — and less want to talk about it.  But it seems like everyone wants to sell "us" something to fix it.  

Let me repeat –

  • Weight loss is personal.
  • It is something you choose for yourself when you are ready.
  • Weight loss is not something you can be talked into – nor shamed into.  

Yet it seems like the larger community wants "us"  (the regainers) to feel shamed for regaining and wants to sell us another quick-fix.

Let us discuss:  Regain is common.  How much?  Some is very typical.  Sometimes even a lot of regain is normal.  You do not have to be sold into another diet, quick-fix, or scam.  You need to remind yourself why you had weight loss surgery to begin with —

…for your HEALTH.  

Some good links on regain –