I used to blog a lot and somewhere along the way I got my hand-slapped and I felt compelled to stop telling my stories. I feel like the stories are coming back, bubbling to the surface and I'm going to have to write. I am not exactly sure when I lost my 'words' but I am totally aware that I did, and I know I feel even torn posting about posting again, know this.
I saw a quote someplace that suggested that if you ever had a second thought about posting anything online – even for a second – that it probably should not go up. This made me second guess a lot of what I want to say, write, and half of what I start to post and take back.
I also feel like I need to take a step back and reassess the things I want to put out there, the direction I want for my blog, my peers, my support group and where I was going with just me, you know? I started all of this with just me, many years ago, for me. Blogging filled a need at that time.
I also, honestly feel like everyone was jumping in the blog game trying to get a slice of this thing called work-at-home-luxurious living that they seem to think people like me have (…had?) and I sort of wanted out. I had people telling me that "folks trying to be like you, Beth."
But if they were, they'd be housebound and unemployed*, be jealous, bitch can't even get a gallon of milk, and I am reminded of this ALL DAY LONG.
Somedays I feel like an ass because I have women posting things like, "You're my inspiration!" when I am over here thinking about that other woman who probably thinks "It's because she has all that free time to work on herself" when in reality my life is pretty …
…much like yours, except much more boring.
Please don't assume.
*PS. Now I remember why I began.
Always thanks for sharing YOU. I look forward to more writings.
Oh Beth that is why you are such an inspiration and so easy to relate to, why I feel so odd that I feel like I know you or want to know you…you say what’s on your mind and I LOVE that, you are REAL, you are a normal person who’s been brave enough to put your life out there for everyone to see and I know I’m not alone in all the shit it feels like life throws at me and all the good stuff life also sends my way. You keep it real! You are very clearly YOU! Don’t ever change and to hell with the haters, they don’t have to read what you write or listen to what you say…but I will and so will many many others! Luv ya Melting Mama!
So glad to see you writing more. It is brave, because its honest. And I can only imagine that’s its both scary and liberating, because you’re honest. Thanks for sharing yourself with us again In this more personal way. I’ve missed this part of your work!
Nik-
Would love to meet you in person one day. We live and work in roughly the same part of the world and are both working on making this a better journey for ourselves and, hopefully, others. I’m impressed with what you have nurtured any grown, ESP given all of your other. commitments.
I’m very happy to see you dipping your foot back into the pool. I think that when many people start blogging, like you, it’s seems like it’s just for themselves and those close to them, but if they’re any good, as you are, word gets around and the readership grows. With the increase in readers, especially those less familiar to you and with you comes the possibility of “judgement” and unkindness of a sort that is really only possible in the quasi-anonymity of the internet. It takes a brave person to be willing to subject themselves to that. I commend you and please, keep writing. I look forward to hearing more.